The Courage to Move On

I didn't believe my mom at first when she told me toward the end of last school year that she thought I was moving into a new chapter in my life. Then, as I recently got all 4 wisdom teeth out, I'm beginning to see how life is looking a little different these days and yet finding comfort in the familiarity of what's around me. There is a sweet hope and reassurance for me in this that by putting one foot in front of the other and turning to a new page in my life there will be many things, people and places that will stay the same, but we don't have to fit into the same box or create a box around ourselves of what we think we have to look like year after year. I want to share some thoughts with you. As I spent some time journaling and reflecting with a lot of time on my hands after my wisdom teeth were pulled out, I thought about what it really looks like to move on and begin a new chapter. 
     The two thoughts I want to share with you that I've been processing is that when it comes to the courage of moving on God is faithful in giving us our hearts desires. He has given me opportunities this summer to lead, receive and try new things. Second, I see and feel the courage to move on in the beauty of the places I get to travel, which I have been blessed to be doing a lot of this summer. I know that I have a comforting place to come home to from all these travels with my family and on my own. Maybe the courage to move on comes from stepping outside of our own comfort zones right where we are it shows us and gives us the strength of doing right here and now what was always meant for us to do.  I've learned that moving on comes with courage and it is no small thing. By taking the time to reflect on what it means to move on for me personally I hope you take the time to reflect on what it means for you. 

What's Going to Happen?

A lot of people had said to me last March when I got back from India, "I'm so sorry, that its over." I wasn't sure how to react to that. I felt like I had just begun! I know these people meant it with the best intentions and after these comments came the questions of, "So, what are you going to do next?" I knew I was headed in the direction of college and that was the best answer I could give during the Spring last year. However, now I am in college and  shouldn't be surprised at the desires that are still the same. For instance, this May, I'm heading back to Europe and spending a week in Greece on a mission trip with my school. People, were feeling bad for me that my travels were over, but little had they or myself known, that in reality these have just begun! Another desire that has sprung up is my love to run. A lot of people don't understand how slow I run. I have no ounce of competitiveness within me. I run so that I can listen to music on my phone and escape into the neighborhood woods by my house. However, since I've run the Twin Cities Marathon this October, I have found myself running more than ever. Even in this snowy Minnesota winter I am layering up and getting outside. What it really comes down to, is that as humans we waste a lot of time thinking about what's going to happen. When in reality a lot of what happens is up to us. When I was in YWAM a lot of people kept telling me to go for it, yet I wasn't sure what that meant for me during that time. Now, that I have these desires to travel, run and write I am finding that I know what that means and what it looks like for me to go for it. I don't want to waste anymore time thinking about what could or could not happen, but instead I want to choose the attitude of trying new things. 

Beginnings, Endings and Everything in Between...

I'm laughing, as I look back and think about all that happened during my first semester as a college freshmen. My floor flooded, we moved to a house a little off campus, that was still owned by our school and called ourselves a sorority, at the Bible college and went mattress surfing in the house we were living in. It was a pretty great beginning. Sometimes, its really hard when we can't see things right away though. We can't know what the future is going to look like or maybe even what we want for ourselves in the future. Sometimes, though this can be a really good thing, because at least for me, being known as the girl who likes all the details and likes to plan everything, it helped me to not be able to see everything and simply be in the present and realize what I wanted and who I wanted to become. Obviously, this is still a process for all of us, but it really hit me around 1 am last night as I was thinking back on this year, we have permission and freedom to be whoever we want to become and decide what we want. Now, that I'm going to be back in the dorms for this semester and know a little bit more of the details and future plans, I'm still looking forward to being surprised and not knowing everything. I had no idea that the alarms would go off around 10 that night last semester and that I'd have to move everything out of my dorm and live in a house with 10 other girls from my floor for the rest of the semester. I remember being angry and frustrated because all I wanted to do was sleep! Little did I know that God knew exactly what I needed and it was totally His details and His plans that I couldn't see everything that was going to happen. That's my challenge for this year, its ok not to know all the details or have plans and realize around 1 am that we can be whoever we want to be and decide what we want for ourselves. The surprises that came to me this year, may have originally made me angry and frustrated, but in the end it was exactly what I needed. To grow closer to my floor and have that experience in the depths of the city which gave me a greater appreciation for the suburbs. As angry and frustrated as the surprises may make us, or as happy and exhilarated, its in the end that we can see how they shape us and how they really reveal our true selves and who we end up becoming.  

Preparations

Its funny to me the different seasons of life, we find ourselves in. With only a 13 day countdown (not counting today), until I move into college, one of the biggest preparations on my mind, is my writing. I'll be taking a junior level class on, "Fiction Writing," for my English credit. I can't wait for this challenge, but during the next 13 days, even when it comes to messaging my friends, writing well and wanting to improve my writing, is on my mind. My favorite summer read, "The Wanderer," has different sections of the book, the first being, "Preparations," as they are fixing repairs on a boat that will take them from Connecticut to Europe, I can only imagine the amount of work that would take to prepare a boat for that much amount of time and travel! Having traveled across the world, I know what preparing for a long journey is like, but sometimes, the hardest part of preparing for the next chapter in my life, is the waiting that ties into it. C.S. Lewis sums it up well when he says, "Hardships often prepare ordinary people, for an extraordinary destiny." I'll never forget the friends who have sometimes without saying and other times said it word for word, looked me in the eye and said, "I believe in you and your destiny." I now know the belief and preparation that I cling to, knowing that I have an extraordinary destiny ahead of me, as do you, because everything that we are doing, is preparing us for something. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1, "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." 

We can Rejoice Too

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance." -Romans 5:3, this verse makes me laugh when it comes to running. One of the biggest lessons I have learned as it comes to training for this 26.2 mile run is that besides the soreness of my knees or my legs wanting to cave in, the real issue so often is one of the brain. How we control our thoughts when we run, especially for me, when I would run just for fun before training for this marathon, there wouldn't be a single run for me where I did not put in my headphones and turn up my music loud to distract me from the physical challenge. Now, as I run I find my biggest problem to be paying attention. Paying attention, meaning that I want to know more what's going on when it comes to running every mile, refusing to put in those headphones to help my focus more on my form and knowing how I can improve, whether that's not crossing my arms in front of me or mentally getting into that rhythm of each step telling myself, "Light feet, light feet, here we go light feet..." I'm known for stomping when it comes to running on a treadmill or even on a gravel road and so keeping my feet light is something that helps me endure, when it comes to running and training for this race. Lastly, my biggest fear is letting fear define each run as I push to finish my training. I love that this verse says that we can rejoice too. My biggest goal in all this training is to have fun. I don't want to lose sight even on that 12 mile run without headphones in, of the truth that we can rejoice too. Thinking of the money I am raising and the children who will be receiving fresh water wells for the rest of their lives, is enough for me to find that joy again. So, what's the mental problem that you need to endure? Where is the trial that you can persevere through whether it's coming up with a rhythm of setting one foot in front of the other, or wanting to pay attention to what we also can rejoice in. Its up to you really. It can be as simple as deciding to give it your all during the last 10 minutes of your work shift, or finding joy in even the most challenging of whatever your facing. As I've already stated, the biggest lesson I am and still learning in all this training is that we can rejoice too. Finding the fun amidst the heat, the physical pain or not wanting to get up in the morning to run those three miles has been the most rewarding when I choose joy in the midst of wanting to give up, joy in the midst of wanting to stay in bed, joy knowing that with each $50 I raise I am able to save a life of someone who I will probably never get to meet, but who I will pray to have the joy of getting to spend eternity with. Where will you decide to choose joy? 

My early birthday presents

As its been awhile since I've written anything, what's really on my mind is this turning point, I've felt, since a week and a half trip up to my grandparents. Maybe its because I'm getting older or who really knows what, but as I get more hands off with what I want as gifts from family and friends, the last few days have been a special reminder to me of the gift of time and the value each person carries of who they are. Saturday and last Thursday, were two days that I got to slow down and really enjoy the gifts God has given me that come without any cost. One of my favorite things of summertime is seeing people who I don't usually get to see and the spontaneity that summer can bring. Thursday, besides being awesomely productive in the morning, I was able to reconnect with two of my neighbor friends who I'd grown up with shooting baskets, talking about flashlight tag and then amidst all the fun and excitement of catching up outside, we'd realized that the dog had run away, so the next few minutes was an adventure of trying to find their dog, much to our relief she was found within the next 10 minutes or so. "The chaos doesn't end 'til the chaos is over!" Exclaimed one of our close friends this past Saturday, as we all sat around after getting our hands messy with the yummy goodness of a shrimp boil, the blessing of prayer for those moving on and putting our feet up to speak out good memories and laugh together. As I was telling a friend yesterday, I actually feel like this birthday, will make me feel older. I'm no longer a teenager and I am ready for my 20's! As I get even more hands off with the costly things and cling more tightly to those who I can see only rare and far between, I'm realizing that the greatest gift for me right now is the gift of time that others give. The new memories we can make together and the importance of living a good story. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty excited to feel spoiled, blessed and eat too much cake, but more than anything this past year has taught me how valuable people really are. The importance of being hands off comes with a greater desire to hug, build up and love on those who truly love you back. Cheers to another year of, clinging to my loved ones, being hands off of the costly things and holding more tightly to that which is free and laughing without fear of the future. 

Maybe I'm just Getting Used to It

Four steps of culture shock are something that travelers, missionaries and anybody can go through when they return from a big event in their lives. Yesterday, as many of you have seen liked and commented on the picture that announces my college acceptance, I found myself repeating this phrase at least four times during dinner it went something like this, "Maybe I'm just getting used to it..." When your transitioning, returning, entering into a new chapter or all of the above, there is a lot to readjust to. I'd like to list off four stages of culture shock, they can happen both when your in another country and when you are returning:
1. Honeymoon-can last the whole trip, enjoying it
2. Hate it, everything
3. Everything's funny
4. Everything's normal-like being home.
I think I've finally made it to number four, since being back, but I've gone through all 4, both at home as well as on the field. After reading a missionary's blog titled, "Rocky Re-entry," I loved a post she wrote regarding the gift of time. I found what I'd been missing this season. It comes down to one word. Gratitude. So simple, so easy, so often missed. Time is precious, time is a gift and is the most valuable lesson I've learned. Thanking God for every moment, thanking Him for the time I got to go to the country of my dreams, thanking Him that I've been accepted to college and thanking Him on the days where I ache for my friends on the West Coast. I don't remember which team leader on my last trip asked this question, but as I look back on my notes from one of our team meetings it hits me, "What is God already doing, that hasn't been done?" *Focus on Lordship, Jesus is the only Lord. Duh, right? Not so duh, when you are in another country that keeps idols all over their homes right next to a picture of Jesus. When your excited about going to an Arts and Crafts store, literally titled that and it ends up being an idol shop. When the lordship of Jesus becomes our focus and we turn our eyes to what work hasn't been completed example, unreached people groups worshiping false idols, co-workers not knowing the love of Jesus or lonely people simply in need of a friend...gratitude for what He's done for us un-clutters what demands our attention. The lyrics of a song ring in my head, as I approach this new day in full gratitude. I might not be walking the dirty streets of Kolkata or in a Bermese refugee village, gratitude is still here and now and there is no turning back for me:

"Christ is enough for me,

Christ is enough for me,

Everything I need is in you,

Everything I need. I have decided to follow Jesus,

No turning back

No turning back..."-Christ is Enough for Me, Hillsong

What a Wonderful World

I've been reflecting a lot about India. My godmother is getting married this weekend and that's another new chapter I can't wait to celebrate with her! When, we were asked to do the music for her wedding, my mom assigned me to sing, "What a Wonderful World." As I stood in my living room, standing by the piano, I closed my eyes during the lyrics of, "I see friends shaking hands singing how do you do..." I couldn't help, but smile and laugh out loud, as I thought of a time back in Kolkata. We were walking around a village, stopping in for house visits and praying over the grounds. A older Indian man came out of his house excited to see us Americans, smiling he talked very quickly all the English he knew at once! "Hello! How are you? Happy Birthday!" It was hilarious and caught all of us by surprise! As I sing this song, in celebration of new chapters in life, I will be closing my eyes and thinking, what a wonderful world it is, all of the different people I've seen and the different ways they say how do you do! Yes, there is heartache and earthquakes, as well as those of us who have lost loved ones close to us, I don't think our loved ones, would want us living everyday in despair, at the days to come, yet it is crucially important to grieve for them. However, in honor of those who I've lost and the countries I long to be in, I will raise my glass in a toast, to the wonderful world it is! Let's not waste a minute in all that we have to celebrate! Its true, each new chapter, carries it own hardships, challenges, but let's not forget about its new laughs!

"She is clothed with strength and dignity and laughs at the days to come." -Proverbs 31:25, this is my prayer for all of you, whether male or female, whether you are going through a transition or not. May you never lose the gift of laughter and raise your glass in a toast with me, as together, let's close our eyes and reflect on the wonderful world it is. 

Embracing the Chaos 101

Chaos=complete disorder and confusion. 

I'd like to give you a couple of scenarios that have happened to me as I've been in a in the meantime season. As many of you know, I have been preparing for the ACT test. I never took it my senior year, because besides being in full track season, I was also support raising and getting a job. So, back to the here and now. Everyday has been going back to the basics of broadening the horizons of my mind. Do you ever have those moments where you just need to freak out about something big that's going to happen and then after you freak out you feel a lot better? That's how I was yesterday on the way to the class I was taking to prepare for my ACT. I had crammed in all my English and Reading homework that afternoon thinking those were the two subjects I'd be covering that day. I arrived, breathing a bit better and ready to save the world. I sat with my math and reading teacher I confidently explained to him how well I had done with my English and Reading homework, because today is english and reading, right? Nope, he says. However, instead of covering the two pages of math homework that I hadn't done yet, we ended up covering Science, English and Reading. I'm so thankful and blessed by these teachers I've had and gotten to laugh with, while re-learning Math with. I'd never been so happy in my life to be told to just focus on my Math homework!

Second scenario, I am at work at Kids Stuff, at the YMCA. Its crazy in there. We have anywhere from about 15 kids at a time to 30 something. My favorite part of the shift, is when a child will ask me to read to him or her and then I have about 10 or more crowding around me trying to get a glimpse of the story I am telling. Although the room is loud and kids will sometimes walk around with their fingers in their ears because they can't stand the noise, its my pleasure to open up my arms and hold them on my lap reassuring them that this too will pass and how can I best take care of them and help them have the most fun in the meantime? I think this is a great picture of God's heart for us. When we are in the meantime and either having to embrace days of chaos with 4 hrs of study and 3 hours on the job. Will we embrace it and let the God of all comfort hold us and let Him take care of us? I love the picture of God holding me in His lap, because that is how I love to comfort the kids I am put in charge of. I heard this quote during my lecture phase of staffing a DTS, that I will never forget I hope you find comfort in this as you hear about how much God the Father longs to hold you: 

"He knows you by the perspective that you are the only one on earth. Your glowing and you don't even know it. Stop being so hard on yourself and be more curious about the Father."-Kenny Peavy, Holy Spirit. 

Hope for the Future/Missing my Homelands

Today, I write this wearing my Irish sweater and punjami top, missing all my countries and places, that have become like second and third homes in my heart. This morning, I told God, "I miss India!" My time with God helped sooth my soul, but I had to move on drive to work and get started on my shift. What happened next, brought me back to one of my favorite places in the world.  I entered into the YMCA, where I work at Kids Stuff, and as I opened up the door, headed upstairs, I was surprised to see that all the lights were off in the building. Everyone in the facility, had gathered down in the lobby and it wasn't until I made it upstairs, that I found out what happened. The power had stopped working! As parents were gathered upstairs, picking up their kids and having to leave,  God had brought India to me! You see, in India they have power outages all the time! We had them almost every other day in both places we lived! Then, I had to wait for an hour to see if the power would go back on and I would be able to finish my two hours, I had left to work. I was back on IST, (Indian Stretchable Time). The time I had gathered there, at the YMCA, waiting, connecting with other co-workers and being able to finish my two extra hours, brought me the joy I needed. To make me feel at home and to get a little taste back of India in my heart. 

There is a hope for my future, for yours...as I enter back into what may appear to be a more ordinary way of life, I am learning that ministry can happen right where your at and it doesn't have to be a scheduled event. God's reminded me to love the person in front of me right where I'm at and to not take these little things for granted. As I enter back into part time jobs, getting ready to head back to school, I'm snapping back into slowly, but surely, the everyday life of what I did back in India, all over Asia, and the West Coast. That was simply loving people. It was worth the effort for me today to get out of my house get all the snow off my car and drive up to work. Look at the story I get to tell you about now! When people ask me what my ministry is now, or what I am doing in the meantime, I tell them, my focus is loving people and listening to them. These are my hopes for the future. I have many, goals, dreams, passions and plans, but right now I am simply loving the person in front of me right where they are at. I did it for two months in India with a whole different culture, and that is exactly what I am doing now. I'm loving the person in front of me at my work, my family and friends, the college I'm going to, and every moment in between. When we take the time to listen to someone its exciting to discover something new, that you could've never known before, I often find that, when I take the time to listen and love the person right in front of me, the person in front of me, is much more often, more than willing to take the time to listen to me in return:)

Unspeakable Joy

I'm thinking about Kolkata a lot more than I ever thought I would. I'll never forget having to spend 20-30 minutes on the phone ordering wraps, because the only restaurant we all loved we were either tired of going to over and over again or it was closed, or the pollution and dust that could make you cough at any given moment also made it difficult to breathe. I talked to a lot of people before leaving, about how excited I was to get to work in the slums in Kolkata, like Mother Teresa. The reason why I bring up the conditions we were living under, is to try to make you understand the joy God gave me to help cope through what could have stirred up frustrations with the things we so often take for granted, like where we get our meals from, or even just breathing fresh air! One time, I was having a really hard day, for those of you who have talked to me already, you may know that most of the time, I was in India I was sick. I had a consistent cold and the pollution wasn't helping. On this day, that I was struggling, with anything from a runny nose to a cough or exhaustion, we had to wait up to an hour for our contact to show up because he got stuck in traffic. While we waited we all got some chai and sat in front of our favorite restaurant that was closed, trying to decide what to do. What if our contact didn't show up? Did we go into our restaurant for lunch and try to do ministry with our waiters, or go back to our base and prayer walk? Another half hour or so went by and as we finished our chai a short Indian man riding a motorcycle, drove right up to us! Introducing himself as our contact, he helped us all get into different taxi's and we followed him to a slum school, where we would be helping kids with their school work. By then, I was still frustrated with my physical conditions, but endured the taxi ride. What I was about to encounter was the joy of the Lord as my strength. I stepped out of the taxi with two friends, by the way our taxi drive almost got us lost on the way there, but knowing by now, God really wanted us at this slum school, we headed in as the last 3 to show up. I will never get how tiny this school was, the different ages, differences in learning skills and the big smiles that greeted us as we walked in. Guess what we got to do? Teach English! Something I had done for two weeks in Thailand, last February, not my favorite ministry tool, but by now I've gotten over that, knowing God has me in different countries for big reasons like teaching English. As we sat down and partnered up with a student, I immediately felt a connection with an older girl in her mid teens, clearly feeling out of place with all these small children, who were just learning the alphabet. What can I teach her? I thought, as we looked each other in the eye, I smiled introduced myself and getting out her pencil and paper, I decided that we weren't going to be learning from the school books today. Today, I would teach her how to sing about joy. Most of you should be familiar with the song, "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, where? Down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart to stay!" It was chaos in the classroom, but my favorite kind of chaos. The giggles, singing and everyone grabbing at once for the erasers to erase their mistakes and try again. Meanwhile, I was over in the corner, with my new friend, literally, writing out the love of Jesus down in her heart. I didn't know if she was a Christian or not, but because she clearly knew the lesson plans that the rest of the kids were doing, I was up for the challenge of teaching her something new. 

What really got to me was at the end when she had learned the song and the slum children wanted to sing for us in Hindi. Then we sang for them in English. After they were done singing in Hindi as well as singing one song in English, we sang in English, "I've got the joy, joy, joy...." seeing her know the song as we all proclaimed it in the slum school, I felt the strength of the Lord rising in my bones to smile and look her in the eye knowing the barriers I had got to break today. This is the joy of the Lord I am talking about. The unspeakable joy that isn't always super giddy and excited all the time, this is the joy that keeps us going despite our physical condition or where God may decide to plant us for three weeks, that rock our worlds beyond our wildest comprehensions. I walked out of that slum school a different person. Forgetting about the runny nose, cough, lack of sleep and my own hunger, I embraced the girl who I got to sing with and walked away with my rest of the team, back to the taxi's, ready for whatever wild ride God wanted to take on next.

Take a Moment

This morning I woke up, for some reason, as I was lying in bed and I got up to make myself breakfast all I could think about, was how much I wanted to write. Sitting at my kitchen table, sipping my coffee, I am reminded quite vividly of a time in Kolkata, India, worshiping on a rooftop with another YWAM team, from Perth, Australia. I woke up with this image in my head. Two teams from two different countries getting together to worship over one nation. Kolkata, is crazy, unlike anywhere I can begin to describe of where I have traveled before. What keeps hitting me about this situation, of our two teams worshiping on the roof was the lyrics to the song we were singing, "Take a Moment," the lyrics that keep hitting me as I remember raising my hand and proclaiming this over the city were, "Take a moment to remember, who God is and who I am. There you go lifting my load again. Your lifting my load. Your lifting my load. Your lifting my load. Your lifting my load. His yoke is easy, His burden is so light."

As I lay awake in bed this morning, all I could think about was, "If God can use two teams to come together in worship, from two different sides of the world, and sing a song about God taking our burdens, can't I believe that here in America, He can easily lift my own load too?" Why is it so easy to proclaim this over a city, but sometimes more difficult to believe in the day to day schedules? Its what I choose to believe. That He can lift my load of studying, cleaning the house for people to come and setting up meetings to go back to work. If He can easily lift an entire load of a nation because He is God, than why is it we try to carry these burdens of daily living by ourselves?  Today, I choose to let God lift my burdens instead of trying to carry them all on my own. If He so longs to lift the load of an entire nation, imagine how joyful it makes Him for one person to step out in faith to believe He can carry their load. 

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." -Mathew 11:28, The Message.  

Why Go?

The question you are all wondering, or maybe the question that hopefully gets answered, when your able to sit and talk with me face to face, about what happens when you are on the field. One of the many things that really stuck out to me about why I choose to go on the field was when I was on the border of India, by Nepal. We had attended our last church service and had, had an inspiring message by a lady from Nepal. She talked about how we usually don't like broken things, but how that is exactly what God's heart is for, broken people, restoring the messes we made. Later, after the service she asked our group what we were doing there. When we explained to her why we were there she was very impressed and I will never forget her response, "You don't see a lot of young people on the field. Usually, because parents don't like to see their children suffer and fear them going out to places like this." Why are we so afraid of suffering? There are so many different ways of suffering, but in the sense when you are living on the field suffering, may simply just look like living without the comforts you are used too at home on a daily basis, quite honestly that tends to be one of the hardest part for me. I mean, if you are willing to share a bed with two extra people and live in a boys home where  boys are orphaned and need that mother touch you would be willing to give up that extra space of sleep so you can live there a week wouldn't you? Or maybe the pastor who you are serving has had a difficult time with teams in the past, but because he has invited you all to his New Year's party you eat the food, (although you are eating with your right hand and don't always know exactly what it is you are putting in your mouth), but because your team is interacting, literally your hands are being touched by these people that are so desperate for prayer, the pastor now has a renewed heart because you have given up the comfort of talking to your own people and stepped out in faith. Despite the language barriers and different skin color you have decided to pray, dance and eat with these people. Is it really that simple? You bet. If all we are afraid of is giving up that extra space, or deciding to go mingle with people of a different race than can you imagine the difference you can make right where you are by giving up the simple things, to help impact the kingdom of God?!!! 

This is why I've chosen to go. Its why I still choose to go right where I am. I choose to go to musical practices and love on the high schoolers. Getting to hear their hearts for the orphans and encourage them right where they are at. I choose to go to whatever field God calls me to, because I know that dying to self, giving up my own rights can break barriers into different cultures and possibly even welcome more teams in to stay and serve with a pastor who had not had the best impression of teams in the past. This is the choice we can make today. Right where you are. It doesn't always mean flying to India, it most certainly can, but I know for a fact that just yesterday, by my choosing to go to a simple musical practice, I was so blessed to feel a part of a crowd again and get loved on, while also loving others. The simple choice to go and possibly giving up of your own rights to your own comfort zones can make a difference right where you are. Do it now. Do it today and don't waste a second. Going is crucial, but so is the rest we must find in God. Half the time I am having to say no to these invitations, simply because I need the rest after the intense last 6 months, I have had of helping lead a team. I don't have one single regret in how I chose to go and I'm not having a single regret of when I say, "I need to rest, so that I can have the rest of God." My friends, family, everyone, the best place to minister is out of a place of rest. Both choices will influence how we choose to go. The choice is yours and I hope these next few blog posts, don't discourage or pressure you, my heart is always to build up and to share stories of how I've witnessed miracles by simple small acts of love. These usually, quite simply begin by choosing to step outside of our comfort zones, that end up breaking barriers for the kingdom of God. 

Ready to Go

I'll probably be packing and repacking until Sunday, the day I leave, the day I am headed out of the country for the next two months. It irritated me at first. The business woman with a check list of to do's coming out of me, wondering why on earth everything couldn't be ready at a certain date at a certain time so this could all be finished. Then it hit me, thinking about all I have shoved into a drawer back at base, that still needs to fit into my hiking backpack, right now I have the blessing to rest and sometimes that is the hardest part. 

Truth is, I was ready for anything. Ready for the text that we'd be going back to places I'd already been too, what I wasn't ready for was dreams coming true. Are we ever ready for that? These are my last thoughts, before shutting down devices that help protect our security while overseas and these are the words I hope you remember, when you don't see the link to my blog popping up on your news feed. The moment dreams come true and as hard as the resting can be, these are the exact moments that prepare us, for the hope and future God has in mind for us. He has taken me places I already couldn't have dreamed of, because they were His dreams. I picture God holding my hand and then covering my eyes saying, "Amelia, I have a surprise for you!" Sometimes, I think I know all there is to know about what He is preparing me for, but most of the time its His pleasure to blow my mind and hear me laugh. I hope you have dreams. Dreams that even though they might seem like dreams to you, God can transform them into His dreams and His desires in you. We can plan and prepare and try to fit everything into two bags for two months of a journey, but even during that time He likes to surprise us, sometimes He doesn't want us to see what's coming until the moment we arrive. Then when we've got our feet planted He will say, "Surprise!" In that moment and as I try to prepare and rest, I trust Him guiding me. Even though I cannot see everything that's going to happen, I'm excited to see where I'm landing and when I step off the plane, hear Him say, "Surprise!" 

"Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own."
-Jeremiah 33:3

On the Corner of the Couch

Its my favorite spot, whenever I come home from school. I'm sitting here on the corner of the couch, anticipation building for the moment I'm loving to live as well as the moments that are coming my way. I come to this corner of the couch to relax and breathe and read and laugh and much more. The house is all lit up with Christmas tree lights and I am all lit up on the inside that can't help, but spill over on the outside. Whether it was coming home on Thursday and heading to my high school before I got home for a concert, or working out I've found so many nooks and crannies along my journey that have become other homes to me. Every time I arrive back at my YWAM base I am greeted with a, "Welcome home!" As I've been so embraced both near and far this Christmas season, I want to greet others with a welcome home whether its their home or not. Tonight, I await the arrival of my two best friends and tomorrow brings on the joy of cookie decorating. Its a real welcome home for me, but whether its on the corner of the couch or on a plane flying to Asia I want that attitude of welcome home to light up my face. The lights that can last all year round, are the ones we choose to give and spill over to the ones who need to hear the welcome home. I've snapped out of my Seattle time and now rest on the corner of the couch on Minnesota time. With great jubilee, I dance in the year to come embracing moment by moment and letting my smile spill over to light up those who need to hear the welcome home, this season. 

Where are You?

My favorite question that I've been asked lately is, "So, where are you?" During my DTS last year, I made phone calls to supporters who were helping me earn my salary, to be a missionary. Even if they'd gotten a newsletter from me, they still had no idea what I was doing or what it meant to do a DTS right after high school. I love keeping in touch with people and being able to discuss not only where I've been the past year, but where I'm at now. 

Its not a problem, although it seems to have become one for me. The problem of the now is that too often, we aren't all in. We have dipped one toe into the water, afraid of getting both feet wet. I love Jim Elliot's quote, "Wherever you are, be all there." I recently, received a word from the Lord, from a fellow leader, that described him seeing me in a prison, trapped and training for something, but not really knowing what I was preparing for. At first he'd seen me in a courtyard, but then realized that I was trapped. I love receiving words from people, but this word I did not want to receive. I was wrestling with God about it all day in my head, knowing I didn't want to over analyze it, but I simply wanted God to explain it to me. Then, sitting in the Boiler Room, during ministry time I was discussing this word with a friend telling her how it made me so unsettled. She raised her hand and asked if she could share her thoughts with me. See, I've been restless. Restless, in this season of wondering what's next after the Basic Leadership School and restless without having a four year plan for my life.

Let's not make prisons out of our minds trying to figure it all out for ourselves. Take a deep breath, set both feet in the water and if you want to even jump in all the way like I did, last Friday at the swimming pool, then do it. Dive all in, get wet, get soaked where you are right now in life. The security of a four year plan, does not secure the reply of, "Yes! Now, I've finally got it all figured out!" I want to be aware of my future and yes have vision, but at the same time, I don't want that to cloud my mind from where I'm at right now. This wrestling with God and not knowing how to receive this word from my friend, has turned into me tuning into God's voice of going on adventures with Him. Adventures that call me to be all in right where I am. My prison, has turned into an adventure of narrow roads that have always proven God as faithful in His provision for my life. Ask Him to take you on an adventure, He will. Not only will He, but He wants too. He wants both of your feet in the water, He asks you to jump in with Him all the way, if we so dare to trust Him on the narrow roads we are granted a secure future of His faithful provision. 

Better Living

So, last weekend, I am at Better Living Through Coffee, I've ordered my usual sea salt carmel late and the guy making it says to me, "Amelia right? Open mic in the Boiler Room?" And I was just too stunned to speak! I didn't even remember seeing him, while I had been up there singing. He was dressed in all black, black hair everything, anywho, he turns to me after what he's just said and adds, "Beautiful voice!" And then hands me my late, that is shaped into a heart. I'm just so stunned that he knew my name and remembered my voice! All I had strength to say, was asking him if he'd played at open mic before and he explained that he'd used too, now he didn't have enough time, since working at Better Living Through Coffee. I was still so stunned to speak, that all I could reply was, "Well, you should just keep doing whatever you were doing before!" I wish I would've said more, but I was just still so shocked that he remembered my name and called my voice out as beautiful. It rocked me to my core, as God continues to break my heart into a million pieces, so I can be made whole with His heart becoming one with mine. I totally regretted getting that coffee and having to rush sipping on it, as I wanted to catch up with the others, but you know, I think God wanted to bless me and make me understand His heart with mine. God is stretching me, growing me, replacing my heart with His and His desires to become one with mine. He know's what He's up to. 

In Awe

Its been on my mind lately, the concept of aweness at God. How we were created to not fully understand Him, but to kneel down on our knees in awe at Him and how He chooses to bless us! The past two Sundays, I've been going to this classy, relationship oriented Lutheran church, in Washington, instead of the one I'd been going to during my DTS last fall. I can't fully explain the feeling of stepping into this small, welcoming congregation, other than the truth that I really miss trembling before the Lord. I've missed the simple things, like lighting candles in the sanctuary and people getting dressed up for church. Not to say, we don't do any of that at the church I used to go to, or the one I attend back home. I just have this longing in my heart to embrace the mystery of God! So, with the decision to attend this Lutheran church in Washington, I so look forward to the lighting of candles, looking my best for the One who deserves my best and a longing being fulfilled that, I don't have to even try to understand God, because all He wants is to know me! He pursues us relentlessly, I am so grateful that I don't have to be perfect before Him, but I still want to give Him my best! In what ways is He challenging you to look for Him?

Blue Shadow

I am like a blue shadow
I will slowly fade away like everything else on this earth
But my friends there is so much life to be lived!
Let us not waste it
Hear the urges of your friends
Laugh while you can and cry when its needed
Meanwhile, my friends those loyal to my side
Stand with me now please?
Hold my hand and let us cry out to our God against the plagues of darkness that war against our souls
Its joy in the letting go
Purpose in the hands of our Maker
Giving thanks in all circumstances
Letting others see the real you, is perhaps the best battle to be fought
For it is in letting others in that true completion of identity is unmasked
The veil torn and loud shouts of joy lifted from the ones with sore hurts
So, though time might not heal all wounds there is weight lifted when we open our hands and with the reassurance that He is always there, let us let Him open the door to our hearts
It is there in the opening up to our true love that between the tears, joy and giving it all up for His name that the veil is lifted,
Give it up my friends, give it all up and get all in to the One who deserves our love the most. 
Amen.

Laid Down Lovers

It cracks me up everything about this place, from the obnoxious music playing in the back round, to how afraid I used to be to come in here and initiate conversation with people. One of my favorite songs that played at the DTS conference, I was at this past week had the lyrics, "We are Laid Down Lovers." I love that phrase and especially try to make it my prayer as I begin this next phase of my life at a leadership school and within the community of Port Townsend. 

This place is called the Boiler Room, and I've written about it before, a coffee shop that has become a safe haven to the homeless and troubled youth in this town. This is a weird place, not many are fond of, but its special in my heart, because this coffee shop is the first place I shared my testimony to someone I'd never met before. We are laid down lovers, my friends, and that is my focus as I begin this school, to not make excuses or let complaining and pride have its way on my tongue, but to lay my life down to love those who God has put in front of me. As I was taught at the conference this past week it is important, we let God have the priority in our hearts of our yes' and no's. It is both my prayer and challenge, that as I walk into coffee shops, sit and play my instrument and converse with those outside of my comfort zone, that a yes would always be on my lips for whatever God has put on my tongue to say to those whom I'm called to love. 

(Art drawn from the Boiler Room).