In Awe

Its been on my mind lately, the concept of aweness at God. How we were created to not fully understand Him, but to kneel down on our knees in awe at Him and how He chooses to bless us! The past two Sundays, I've been going to this classy, relationship oriented Lutheran church, in Washington, instead of the one I'd been going to during my DTS last fall. I can't fully explain the feeling of stepping into this small, welcoming congregation, other than the truth that I really miss trembling before the Lord. I've missed the simple things, like lighting candles in the sanctuary and people getting dressed up for church. Not to say, we don't do any of that at the church I used to go to, or the one I attend back home. I just have this longing in my heart to embrace the mystery of God! So, with the decision to attend this Lutheran church in Washington, I so look forward to the lighting of candles, looking my best for the One who deserves my best and a longing being fulfilled that, I don't have to even try to understand God, because all He wants is to know me! He pursues us relentlessly, I am so grateful that I don't have to be perfect before Him, but I still want to give Him my best! In what ways is He challenging you to look for Him?

Blue Shadow

I am like a blue shadow
I will slowly fade away like everything else on this earth
But my friends there is so much life to be lived!
Let us not waste it
Hear the urges of your friends
Laugh while you can and cry when its needed
Meanwhile, my friends those loyal to my side
Stand with me now please?
Hold my hand and let us cry out to our God against the plagues of darkness that war against our souls
Its joy in the letting go
Purpose in the hands of our Maker
Giving thanks in all circumstances
Letting others see the real you, is perhaps the best battle to be fought
For it is in letting others in that true completion of identity is unmasked
The veil torn and loud shouts of joy lifted from the ones with sore hurts
So, though time might not heal all wounds there is weight lifted when we open our hands and with the reassurance that He is always there, let us let Him open the door to our hearts
It is there in the opening up to our true love that between the tears, joy and giving it all up for His name that the veil is lifted,
Give it up my friends, give it all up and get all in to the One who deserves our love the most. 
Amen.

Laid Down Lovers

It cracks me up everything about this place, from the obnoxious music playing in the back round, to how afraid I used to be to come in here and initiate conversation with people. One of my favorite songs that played at the DTS conference, I was at this past week had the lyrics, "We are Laid Down Lovers." I love that phrase and especially try to make it my prayer as I begin this next phase of my life at a leadership school and within the community of Port Townsend. 

This place is called the Boiler Room, and I've written about it before, a coffee shop that has become a safe haven to the homeless and troubled youth in this town. This is a weird place, not many are fond of, but its special in my heart, because this coffee shop is the first place I shared my testimony to someone I'd never met before. We are laid down lovers, my friends, and that is my focus as I begin this school, to not make excuses or let complaining and pride have its way on my tongue, but to lay my life down to love those who God has put in front of me. As I was taught at the conference this past week it is important, we let God have the priority in our hearts of our yes' and no's. It is both my prayer and challenge, that as I walk into coffee shops, sit and play my instrument and converse with those outside of my comfort zone, that a yes would always be on my lips for whatever God has put on my tongue to say to those whom I'm called to love. 

(Art drawn from the Boiler Room). 

New Beginnings

Its amazing, when you know that you are in the right place at the right time. That's exactly how I feel as I begin this school year, starting my Basic Leadership School with YWAM (Youth With a Mission). Honestly, ever since I stepped foot back onto the Discovery Bay campus, I was overwhelmed with peace. The double blessing, is the fact that I've felt so much peace being here that I feel as though there is nothing I cannot do, or am not capable of! 5 immense blessings that I am especially grateful for upon my arrival are 1) Waking up in the mornings and enjoying it with old friends, while making new ones 2) The smell of the sea 3) How surprisingly warm the weather has been! 4) Meal times getting to meet new people who come to visit the base and are interested in doing a DTS (Discipleship Training School) 5) The confidence that I am constantly growing while I am here, both in who I am and at the same time learning new life skills. 

*God has put a few prayer requests on my heart that I'd ask you to lift up to Him.

-Tomorrow we leave for Redding California, for a DTS conference for us leaders. Please pray for safe travels and open hearts and minds to hear what God has to speak to us as leaders.

-More bedroom space for the boy staff.

-Deeper revelation on God's will and plan for my life. 

*Maybe God has put it on your heart to support me, financially, although most importantly I ask for the gift of prayer! If He has, you can message me on facebook or email me at pixiedust.milly@gmail.com for more information on how to support me, or if you are interested in doing a DTS with YWAM, it would be my pleasure to share my experience with you! 

The Wanderer

"And what I wanted to do was go on and on, across the sea, alone with the water and the birds, but some said I was too young and the sea was a dangerous temptress........ 

The sea, the sea, the sea, it rolled and rolled and called to me. Come in, it said, come in. And in I went, floating, rolling, splashing and swimming, and the sea called, Come out, come out, and further I went but always it swept me back to shore. And still the sea called, Come out, come out, and in boats I went - in rowboats and dinghies and motorboats, and after I learned to sail, I flew over the water, with only the sounds of the wind and the water and the birds, all of them calling, Sail on, sail on."
-The Wanderer, Sharon Creech 

I'm trying not to force my words or add unnecessary explanations. This post is simply about my need to wander. Like the name of the boat in my favorite book, I also long to sail and be free although some may say its dangerous and I'm too young, still I will go. Still I will sail, I will fly in whatever way I can to wander, but not just to wander to learn how to spread my wings. This is what I must do in a little over a week. So, here we go. Its a new school year already, and where we let ourselves spread our wings to freely wander in the midst of the daily schedules with tasks to complete and deadlines to meet. I'm giving myself permission to wander this year as I pray you do too! Here's to wandering, spreading our wings and sailing in whatever way we can even if the water's frozen. 

Stop for the One

Do you ever get that adrenaline rush when you are holding something above your head, whether that be a sparkler, or roman candle? Whatever it is, I think we as humans need to have that once in a while. The excitement of holding something dangerous, but knowing that we also have the ability of controlling what we are holding. Last night, we had three of our closest family friends over for burgers and a bonfire. It was a bit late celebration of the fourth of July for a close family friend who had recently had their husband/father pass away. The constant push I had in the back of my head last night was, "Stop for the One," meaning find the one who is by themselves or may not be recognized to be having fun in the group, to love the least of these is my greatest offering. I remember something my family friend who passed away once said to my dad, "I am so proud of Milly. Who she is becoming and who I see her hanging out with at school." These were the wise words from my intermediate art teacher. I think of this teacher often when I am rolling down the trampoline with his daughter or grabbing a piece of notebook paper for his son to write down the names of who is playing in the ping pong tournament in our garage. One other situation last night happened while I was in bed and his son kept playing our piano in our living room to the Charlie Brown theme song. I stepped out of my bedroom to refill my glass of water and cheered him on to keep playing. I'm so excited to see where God leads this young man who, as he will tell you, "I'm the artist!" Who is the one you will stop for to cheer on or to simply roll down a trampoline with to let them know that you are with them, for them and want to spur them on to righteousness? It could be dangerous. You are holding onto something precious. Offer yourself as a bridge and a healing balm.  "That's the thing about pain," Augustus said, "It demands to be felt." (The Fault in Our Stars). We heal our pain with the joy of the Lord as our strength, with the rush of getting food after we pray and all the kids trying to get through the door at once and then maybe we will end the night by letting the artist play the theme of Charlie Brown on our living room piano while also rolling down the trampoline and trying to crack the egg before the night ends. 

Leading Yourself

I've had a longing in my heart since I was a young girl, to go to India. My heart was grieved, when I saw on the front cover of a magazine, a soldier holding a baby from India. The title on the front cover read something to the effect of, "Who will help them?" My little heart probably around age of 7 or 8, felt like it was about to break. I remember going into my room and crying, when we got home from the grocery store that day. My mom knocked on my door, asked me what was wrong and when I explained to her, about my broken heart over the lost, she held me and told me that this was an ok thing to be crying about! The picture of the baby being held by a soldier and the cry in my heart to help others has never gone away. A week ago, I got a text from a friend that told me the exciting news, that for our next outreach we will be leading we'll spend two months in India!!!!! I almost cried in joy and excitement knowing full well that God has been preparing my heart for this moment of going to that country for many years. So, here's where I'm at now. In January, I will be helping lead a two month outreach, but I have a whole summer to work and raise support to go back to Washington State, in the fall where I will be apart of a Basic Leadership School. My heart is bursting at its seams with joy! But what do I do now in the midst of the waiting, testing, and the hot two months ahead, of July and August? I learn to lead myself. The press on my heart is, if I cannot lead myself, than how will I be capable of leading others? So, with the two months of waiting ahead for this next season of my life, I will begin to teach myself even simple life skills, like learning how to cook challenging meals in the kitchen. If we don't know how to 

deal with our own attitudes in response to others and difficult situations how can we expect to lead others? As Peter says in the gospel of Luke 5:8, "Master, leave. I'm a sinner and can't handle this holiness. Leave me to myself." Then at the end of this passage it tell us, "They pulled their boats up on the beach, left them, nets and all, and followed Him." There's a maturity that comes with being aware of our own sinfulness, but a joy everlasting that is the adventure of being willing, to leave everything behind and follow the Master. Trust me, its worth it!