Leading Yourself

I've had a longing in my heart since I was a young girl, to go to India. My heart was grieved, when I saw on the front cover of a magazine, a soldier holding a baby from India. The title on the front cover read something to the effect of, "Who will help them?" My little heart probably around age of 7 or 8, felt like it was about to break. I remember going into my room and crying, when we got home from the grocery store that day. My mom knocked on my door, asked me what was wrong and when I explained to her, about my broken heart over the lost, she held me and told me that this was an ok thing to be crying about! The picture of the baby being held by a soldier and the cry in my heart to help others has never gone away. A week ago, I got a text from a friend that told me the exciting news, that for our next outreach we will be leading we'll spend two months in India!!!!! I almost cried in joy and excitement knowing full well that God has been preparing my heart for this moment of going to that country for many years. So, here's where I'm at now. In January, I will be helping lead a two month outreach, but I have a whole summer to work and raise support to go back to Washington State, in the fall where I will be apart of a Basic Leadership School. My heart is bursting at its seams with joy! But what do I do now in the midst of the waiting, testing, and the hot two months ahead, of July and August? I learn to lead myself. The press on my heart is, if I cannot lead myself, than how will I be capable of leading others? So, with the two months of waiting ahead for this next season of my life, I will begin to teach myself even simple life skills, like learning how to cook challenging meals in the kitchen. If we don't know how to 

deal with our own attitudes in response to others and difficult situations how can we expect to lead others? As Peter says in the gospel of Luke 5:8, "Master, leave. I'm a sinner and can't handle this holiness. Leave me to myself." Then at the end of this passage it tell us, "They pulled their boats up on the beach, left them, nets and all, and followed Him." There's a maturity that comes with being aware of our own sinfulness, but a joy everlasting that is the adventure of being willing, to leave everything behind and follow the Master. Trust me, its worth it!