The Courage to Move On

I didn't believe my mom at first when she told me toward the end of last school year that she thought I was moving into a new chapter in my life. Then, as I recently got all 4 wisdom teeth out, I'm beginning to see how life is looking a little different these days and yet finding comfort in the familiarity of what's around me. There is a sweet hope and reassurance for me in this that by putting one foot in front of the other and turning to a new page in my life there will be many things, people and places that will stay the same, but we don't have to fit into the same box or create a box around ourselves of what we think we have to look like year after year. I want to share some thoughts with you. As I spent some time journaling and reflecting with a lot of time on my hands after my wisdom teeth were pulled out, I thought about what it really looks like to move on and begin a new chapter. 
     The two thoughts I want to share with you that I've been processing is that when it comes to the courage of moving on God is faithful in giving us our hearts desires. He has given me opportunities this summer to lead, receive and try new things. Second, I see and feel the courage to move on in the beauty of the places I get to travel, which I have been blessed to be doing a lot of this summer. I know that I have a comforting place to come home to from all these travels with my family and on my own. Maybe the courage to move on comes from stepping outside of our own comfort zones right where we are it shows us and gives us the strength of doing right here and now what was always meant for us to do.  I've learned that moving on comes with courage and it is no small thing. By taking the time to reflect on what it means to move on for me personally I hope you take the time to reflect on what it means for you. 

What's Going to Happen?

A lot of people had said to me last March when I got back from India, "I'm so sorry, that its over." I wasn't sure how to react to that. I felt like I had just begun! I know these people meant it with the best intentions and after these comments came the questions of, "So, what are you going to do next?" I knew I was headed in the direction of college and that was the best answer I could give during the Spring last year. However, now I am in college and  shouldn't be surprised at the desires that are still the same. For instance, this May, I'm heading back to Europe and spending a week in Greece on a mission trip with my school. People, were feeling bad for me that my travels were over, but little had they or myself known, that in reality these have just begun! Another desire that has sprung up is my love to run. A lot of people don't understand how slow I run. I have no ounce of competitiveness within me. I run so that I can listen to music on my phone and escape into the neighborhood woods by my house. However, since I've run the Twin Cities Marathon this October, I have found myself running more than ever. Even in this snowy Minnesota winter I am layering up and getting outside. What it really comes down to, is that as humans we waste a lot of time thinking about what's going to happen. When in reality a lot of what happens is up to us. When I was in YWAM a lot of people kept telling me to go for it, yet I wasn't sure what that meant for me during that time. Now, that I have these desires to travel, run and write I am finding that I know what that means and what it looks like for me to go for it. I don't want to waste anymore time thinking about what could or could not happen, but instead I want to choose the attitude of trying new things. 

Beginnings, Endings and Everything in Between...

I'm laughing, as I look back and think about all that happened during my first semester as a college freshmen. My floor flooded, we moved to a house a little off campus, that was still owned by our school and called ourselves a sorority, at the Bible college and went mattress surfing in the house we were living in. It was a pretty great beginning. Sometimes, its really hard when we can't see things right away though. We can't know what the future is going to look like or maybe even what we want for ourselves in the future. Sometimes, though this can be a really good thing, because at least for me, being known as the girl who likes all the details and likes to plan everything, it helped me to not be able to see everything and simply be in the present and realize what I wanted and who I wanted to become. Obviously, this is still a process for all of us, but it really hit me around 1 am last night as I was thinking back on this year, we have permission and freedom to be whoever we want to become and decide what we want. Now, that I'm going to be back in the dorms for this semester and know a little bit more of the details and future plans, I'm still looking forward to being surprised and not knowing everything. I had no idea that the alarms would go off around 10 that night last semester and that I'd have to move everything out of my dorm and live in a house with 10 other girls from my floor for the rest of the semester. I remember being angry and frustrated because all I wanted to do was sleep! Little did I know that God knew exactly what I needed and it was totally His details and His plans that I couldn't see everything that was going to happen. That's my challenge for this year, its ok not to know all the details or have plans and realize around 1 am that we can be whoever we want to be and decide what we want for ourselves. The surprises that came to me this year, may have originally made me angry and frustrated, but in the end it was exactly what I needed. To grow closer to my floor and have that experience in the depths of the city which gave me a greater appreciation for the suburbs. As angry and frustrated as the surprises may make us, or as happy and exhilarated, its in the end that we can see how they shape us and how they really reveal our true selves and who we end up becoming.  

Preparations

Its funny to me the different seasons of life, we find ourselves in. With only a 13 day countdown (not counting today), until I move into college, one of the biggest preparations on my mind, is my writing. I'll be taking a junior level class on, "Fiction Writing," for my English credit. I can't wait for this challenge, but during the next 13 days, even when it comes to messaging my friends, writing well and wanting to improve my writing, is on my mind. My favorite summer read, "The Wanderer," has different sections of the book, the first being, "Preparations," as they are fixing repairs on a boat that will take them from Connecticut to Europe, I can only imagine the amount of work that would take to prepare a boat for that much amount of time and travel! Having traveled across the world, I know what preparing for a long journey is like, but sometimes, the hardest part of preparing for the next chapter in my life, is the waiting that ties into it. C.S. Lewis sums it up well when he says, "Hardships often prepare ordinary people, for an extraordinary destiny." I'll never forget the friends who have sometimes without saying and other times said it word for word, looked me in the eye and said, "I believe in you and your destiny." I now know the belief and preparation that I cling to, knowing that I have an extraordinary destiny ahead of me, as do you, because everything that we are doing, is preparing us for something. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1, "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." 

We can Rejoice Too

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance." -Romans 5:3, this verse makes me laugh when it comes to running. One of the biggest lessons I have learned as it comes to training for this 26.2 mile run is that besides the soreness of my knees or my legs wanting to cave in, the real issue so often is one of the brain. How we control our thoughts when we run, especially for me, when I would run just for fun before training for this marathon, there wouldn't be a single run for me where I did not put in my headphones and turn up my music loud to distract me from the physical challenge. Now, as I run I find my biggest problem to be paying attention. Paying attention, meaning that I want to know more what's going on when it comes to running every mile, refusing to put in those headphones to help my focus more on my form and knowing how I can improve, whether that's not crossing my arms in front of me or mentally getting into that rhythm of each step telling myself, "Light feet, light feet, here we go light feet..." I'm known for stomping when it comes to running on a treadmill or even on a gravel road and so keeping my feet light is something that helps me endure, when it comes to running and training for this race. Lastly, my biggest fear is letting fear define each run as I push to finish my training. I love that this verse says that we can rejoice too. My biggest goal in all this training is to have fun. I don't want to lose sight even on that 12 mile run without headphones in, of the truth that we can rejoice too. Thinking of the money I am raising and the children who will be receiving fresh water wells for the rest of their lives, is enough for me to find that joy again. So, what's the mental problem that you need to endure? Where is the trial that you can persevere through whether it's coming up with a rhythm of setting one foot in front of the other, or wanting to pay attention to what we also can rejoice in. Its up to you really. It can be as simple as deciding to give it your all during the last 10 minutes of your work shift, or finding joy in even the most challenging of whatever your facing. As I've already stated, the biggest lesson I am and still learning in all this training is that we can rejoice too. Finding the fun amidst the heat, the physical pain or not wanting to get up in the morning to run those three miles has been the most rewarding when I choose joy in the midst of wanting to give up, joy in the midst of wanting to stay in bed, joy knowing that with each $50 I raise I am able to save a life of someone who I will probably never get to meet, but who I will pray to have the joy of getting to spend eternity with. Where will you decide to choose joy? 

My early birthday presents

As its been awhile since I've written anything, what's really on my mind is this turning point, I've felt, since a week and a half trip up to my grandparents. Maybe its because I'm getting older or who really knows what, but as I get more hands off with what I want as gifts from family and friends, the last few days have been a special reminder to me of the gift of time and the value each person carries of who they are. Saturday and last Thursday, were two days that I got to slow down and really enjoy the gifts God has given me that come without any cost. One of my favorite things of summertime is seeing people who I don't usually get to see and the spontaneity that summer can bring. Thursday, besides being awesomely productive in the morning, I was able to reconnect with two of my neighbor friends who I'd grown up with shooting baskets, talking about flashlight tag and then amidst all the fun and excitement of catching up outside, we'd realized that the dog had run away, so the next few minutes was an adventure of trying to find their dog, much to our relief she was found within the next 10 minutes or so. "The chaos doesn't end 'til the chaos is over!" Exclaimed one of our close friends this past Saturday, as we all sat around after getting our hands messy with the yummy goodness of a shrimp boil, the blessing of prayer for those moving on and putting our feet up to speak out good memories and laugh together. As I was telling a friend yesterday, I actually feel like this birthday, will make me feel older. I'm no longer a teenager and I am ready for my 20's! As I get even more hands off with the costly things and cling more tightly to those who I can see only rare and far between, I'm realizing that the greatest gift for me right now is the gift of time that others give. The new memories we can make together and the importance of living a good story. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty excited to feel spoiled, blessed and eat too much cake, but more than anything this past year has taught me how valuable people really are. The importance of being hands off comes with a greater desire to hug, build up and love on those who truly love you back. Cheers to another year of, clinging to my loved ones, being hands off of the costly things and holding more tightly to that which is free and laughing without fear of the future. 

Maybe I'm just Getting Used to It

Four steps of culture shock are something that travelers, missionaries and anybody can go through when they return from a big event in their lives. Yesterday, as many of you have seen liked and commented on the picture that announces my college acceptance, I found myself repeating this phrase at least four times during dinner it went something like this, "Maybe I'm just getting used to it..." When your transitioning, returning, entering into a new chapter or all of the above, there is a lot to readjust to. I'd like to list off four stages of culture shock, they can happen both when your in another country and when you are returning:
1. Honeymoon-can last the whole trip, enjoying it
2. Hate it, everything
3. Everything's funny
4. Everything's normal-like being home.
I think I've finally made it to number four, since being back, but I've gone through all 4, both at home as well as on the field. After reading a missionary's blog titled, "Rocky Re-entry," I loved a post she wrote regarding the gift of time. I found what I'd been missing this season. It comes down to one word. Gratitude. So simple, so easy, so often missed. Time is precious, time is a gift and is the most valuable lesson I've learned. Thanking God for every moment, thanking Him for the time I got to go to the country of my dreams, thanking Him that I've been accepted to college and thanking Him on the days where I ache for my friends on the West Coast. I don't remember which team leader on my last trip asked this question, but as I look back on my notes from one of our team meetings it hits me, "What is God already doing, that hasn't been done?" *Focus on Lordship, Jesus is the only Lord. Duh, right? Not so duh, when you are in another country that keeps idols all over their homes right next to a picture of Jesus. When your excited about going to an Arts and Crafts store, literally titled that and it ends up being an idol shop. When the lordship of Jesus becomes our focus and we turn our eyes to what work hasn't been completed example, unreached people groups worshiping false idols, co-workers not knowing the love of Jesus or lonely people simply in need of a friend...gratitude for what He's done for us un-clutters what demands our attention. The lyrics of a song ring in my head, as I approach this new day in full gratitude. I might not be walking the dirty streets of Kolkata or in a Bermese refugee village, gratitude is still here and now and there is no turning back for me:

"Christ is enough for me,

Christ is enough for me,

Everything I need is in you,

Everything I need. I have decided to follow Jesus,

No turning back

No turning back..."-Christ is Enough for Me, Hillsong