The question you are all wondering, or maybe the question that hopefully gets answered, when your able to sit and talk with me face to face, about what happens when you are on the field. One of the many things that really stuck out to me about why I choose to go on the field was when I was on the border of India, by Nepal. We had attended our last church service and had, had an inspiring message by a lady from Nepal. She talked about how we usually don't like broken things, but how that is exactly what God's heart is for, broken people, restoring the messes we made. Later, after the service she asked our group what we were doing there. When we explained to her why we were there she was very impressed and I will never forget her response, "You don't see a lot of young people on the field. Usually, because parents don't like to see their children suffer and fear them going out to places like this." Why are we so afraid of suffering? There are so many different ways of suffering, but in the sense when you are living on the field suffering, may simply just look like living without the comforts you are used too at home on a daily basis, quite honestly that tends to be one of the hardest part for me. I mean, if you are willing to share a bed with two extra people and live in a boys home where boys are orphaned and need that mother touch you would be willing to give up that extra space of sleep so you can live there a week wouldn't you? Or maybe the pastor who you are serving has had a difficult time with teams in the past, but because he has invited you all to his New Year's party you eat the food, (although you are eating with your right hand and don't always know exactly what it is you are putting in your mouth), but because your team is interacting, literally your hands are being touched by these people that are so desperate for prayer, the pastor now has a renewed heart because you have given up the comfort of talking to your own people and stepped out in faith. Despite the language barriers and different skin color you have decided to pray, dance and eat with these people. Is it really that simple? You bet. If all we are afraid of is giving up that extra space, or deciding to go mingle with people of a different race than can you imagine the difference you can make right where you are by giving up the simple things, to help impact the kingdom of God?!!!
This is why I've chosen to go. Its why I still choose to go right where I am. I choose to go to musical practices and love on the high schoolers. Getting to hear their hearts for the orphans and encourage them right where they are at. I choose to go to whatever field God calls me to, because I know that dying to self, giving up my own rights can break barriers into different cultures and possibly even welcome more teams in to stay and serve with a pastor who had not had the best impression of teams in the past. This is the choice we can make today. Right where you are. It doesn't always mean flying to India, it most certainly can, but I know for a fact that just yesterday, by my choosing to go to a simple musical practice, I was so blessed to feel a part of a crowd again and get loved on, while also loving others. The simple choice to go and possibly giving up of your own rights to your own comfort zones can make a difference right where you are. Do it now. Do it today and don't waste a second. Going is crucial, but so is the rest we must find in God. Half the time I am having to say no to these invitations, simply because I need the rest after the intense last 6 months, I have had of helping lead a team. I don't have one single regret in how I chose to go and I'm not having a single regret of when I say, "I need to rest, so that I can have the rest of God." My friends, family, everyone, the best place to minister is out of a place of rest. Both choices will influence how we choose to go. The choice is yours and I hope these next few blog posts, don't discourage or pressure you, my heart is always to build up and to share stories of how I've witnessed miracles by simple small acts of love. These usually, quite simply begin by choosing to step outside of our comfort zones, that end up breaking barriers for the kingdom of God.
I'll probably be packing and repacking until Sunday, the day I leave, the day I am headed out of the country for the next two months. It irritated me at first. The business woman with a check list of to do's coming out of me, wondering why on earth everything couldn't be ready at a certain date at a certain time so this could all be finished. Then it hit me, thinking about all I have shoved into a drawer back at base, that still needs to fit into my hiking backpack, right now I have the blessing to rest and sometimes that is the hardest part.
Truth is, I was ready for anything. Ready for the text that we'd be going back to places I'd already been too, what I wasn't ready for was dreams coming true. Are we ever ready for that? These are my last thoughts, before shutting down devices that help protect our security while overseas and these are the words I hope you remember, when you don't see the link to my blog popping up on your news feed. The moment dreams come true and as hard as the resting can be, these are the exact moments that prepare us, for the hope and future God has in mind for us. He has taken me places I already couldn't have dreamed of, because they were His dreams. I picture God holding my hand and then covering my eyes saying, "Amelia, I have a surprise for you!" Sometimes, I think I know all there is to know about what He is preparing me for, but most of the time its His pleasure to blow my mind and hear me laugh. I hope you have dreams. Dreams that even though they might seem like dreams to you, God can transform them into His dreams and His desires in you. We can plan and prepare and try to fit everything into two bags for two months of a journey, but even during that time He likes to surprise us, sometimes He doesn't want us to see what's coming until the moment we arrive. Then when we've got our feet planted He will say, "Surprise!" In that moment and as I try to prepare and rest, I trust Him guiding me. Even though I cannot see everything that's going to happen, I'm excited to see where I'm landing and when I step off the plane, hear Him say, "Surprise!"
"Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own."
-Jeremiah 33:3
Its my favorite spot, whenever I come home from school. I'm sitting here on the corner of the couch, anticipation building for the moment I'm loving to live as well as the moments that are coming my way. I come to this corner of the couch to relax and breathe and read and laugh and much more. The house is all lit up with Christmas tree lights and I am all lit up on the inside that can't help, but spill over on the outside. Whether it was coming home on Thursday and heading to my high school before I got home for a concert, or working out I've found so many nooks and crannies along my journey that have become other homes to me. Every time I arrive back at my YWAM base I am greeted with a, "Welcome home!" As I've been so embraced both near and far this Christmas season, I want to greet others with a welcome home whether its their home or not. Tonight, I await the arrival of my two best friends and tomorrow brings on the joy of cookie decorating. Its a real welcome home for me, but whether its on the corner of the couch or on a plane flying to Asia I want that attitude of welcome home to light up my face. The lights that can last all year round, are the ones we choose to give and spill over to the ones who need to hear the welcome home. I've snapped out of my Seattle time and now rest on the corner of the couch on Minnesota time. With great jubilee, I dance in the year to come embracing moment by moment and letting my smile spill over to light up those who need to hear the welcome home, this season.
My favorite question that I've been asked lately is, "So, where are you?" During my DTS last year, I made phone calls to supporters who were helping me earn my salary, to be a missionary. Even if they'd gotten a newsletter from me, they still had no idea what I was doing or what it meant to do a DTS right after high school. I love keeping in touch with people and being able to discuss not only where I've been the past year, but where I'm at now.
Its not a problem, although it seems to have become one for me. The problem of the now is that too often, we aren't all in. We have dipped one toe into the water, afraid of getting both feet wet. I love Jim Elliot's quote, "Wherever you are, be all there." I recently, received a word from the Lord, from a fellow leader, that described him seeing me in a prison, trapped and training for something, but not really knowing what I was preparing for. At first he'd seen me in a courtyard, but then realized that I was trapped. I love receiving words from people, but this word I did not want to receive. I was wrestling with God about it all day in my head, knowing I didn't want to over analyze it, but I simply wanted God to explain it to me. Then, sitting in the Boiler Room, during ministry time I was discussing this word with a friend telling her how it made me so unsettled. She raised her hand and asked if she could share her thoughts with me. See, I've been restless. Restless, in this season of wondering what's next after the Basic Leadership School and restless without having a four year plan for my life.
Let's not make prisons out of our minds trying to figure it all out for ourselves. Take a deep breath, set both feet in the water and if you want to even jump in all the way like I did, last Friday at the swimming pool, then do it. Dive all in, get wet, get soaked where you are right now in life. The security of a four year plan, does not secure the reply of, "Yes! Now, I've finally got it all figured out!" I want to be aware of my future and yes have vision, but at the same time, I don't want that to cloud my mind from where I'm at right now. This wrestling with God and not knowing how to receive this word from my friend, has turned into me tuning into God's voice of going on adventures with Him. Adventures that call me to be all in right where I am. My prison, has turned into an adventure of narrow roads that have always proven God as faithful in His provision for my life. Ask Him to take you on an adventure, He will. Not only will He, but He wants too. He wants both of your feet in the water, He asks you to jump in with Him all the way, if we so dare to trust Him on the narrow roads we are granted a secure future of His faithful provision.
So, last weekend, I am at Better Living Through Coffee, I've ordered my usual sea salt carmel late and the guy making it says to me, "Amelia right? Open mic in the Boiler Room?" And I was just too stunned to speak! I didn't even remember seeing him, while I had been up there singing. He was dressed in all black, black hair everything, anywho, he turns to me after what he's just said and adds, "Beautiful voice!" And then hands me my late, that is shaped into a heart. I'm just so stunned that he knew my name and remembered my voice! All I had strength to say, was asking him if he'd played at open mic before and he explained that he'd used too, now he didn't have enough time, since working at Better Living Through Coffee. I was still so stunned to speak, that all I could reply was, "Well, you should just keep doing whatever you were doing before!" I wish I would've said more, but I was just still so shocked that he remembered my name and called my voice out as beautiful. It rocked me to my core, as God continues to break my heart into a million pieces, so I can be made whole with His heart becoming one with mine. I totally regretted getting that coffee and having to rush sipping on it, as I wanted to catch up with the others, but you know, I think God wanted to bless me and make me understand His heart with mine. God is stretching me, growing me, replacing my heart with His and His desires to become one with mine. He know's what He's up to.
Its been on my mind lately, the concept of aweness at God. How we were created to not fully understand Him, but to kneel down on our knees in awe at Him and how He chooses to bless us! The past two Sundays, I've been going to this classy, relationship oriented Lutheran church, in Washington, instead of the one I'd been going to during my DTS last fall. I can't fully explain the feeling of stepping into this small, welcoming congregation, other than the truth that I really miss trembling before the Lord. I've missed the simple things, like lighting candles in the sanctuary and people getting dressed up for church. Not to say, we don't do any of that at the church I used to go to, or the one I attend back home. I just have this longing in my heart to embrace the mystery of God! So, with the decision to attend this Lutheran church in Washington, I so look forward to the lighting of candles, looking my best for the One who deserves my best and a longing being fulfilled that, I don't have to even try to understand God, because all He wants is to know me! He pursues us relentlessly, I am so grateful that I don't have to be perfect before Him, but I still want to give Him my best! In what ways is He challenging you to look for Him?
I am like a blue shadow
I will slowly fade away like everything else on this earth
But my friends there is so much life to be lived!
Let us not waste it
Hear the urges of your friends
Laugh while you can and cry when its needed
Meanwhile, my friends those loyal to my side
Stand with me now please?
Hold my hand and let us cry out to our God against the plagues of darkness that war against our souls
Its joy in the letting go
Purpose in the hands of our Maker
Giving thanks in all circumstances
Letting others see the real you, is perhaps the best battle to be fought
For it is in letting others in that true completion of identity is unmasked
The veil torn and loud shouts of joy lifted from the ones with sore hurts
So, though time might not heal all wounds there is weight lifted when we open our hands and with the reassurance that He is always there, let us let Him open the door to our hearts
It is there in the opening up to our true love that between the tears, joy and giving it all up for His name that the veil is lifted,
Give it up my friends, give it all up and get all in to the One who deserves our love the most.
Amen.
