Where are You?

My favorite question that I've been asked lately is, "So, where are you?" During my DTS last year, I made phone calls to supporters who were helping me earn my salary, to be a missionary. Even if they'd gotten a newsletter from me, they still had no idea what I was doing or what it meant to do a DTS right after high school. I love keeping in touch with people and being able to discuss not only where I've been the past year, but where I'm at now. 

Its not a problem, although it seems to have become one for me. The problem of the now is that too often, we aren't all in. We have dipped one toe into the water, afraid of getting both feet wet. I love Jim Elliot's quote, "Wherever you are, be all there." I recently, received a word from the Lord, from a fellow leader, that described him seeing me in a prison, trapped and training for something, but not really knowing what I was preparing for. At first he'd seen me in a courtyard, but then realized that I was trapped. I love receiving words from people, but this word I did not want to receive. I was wrestling with God about it all day in my head, knowing I didn't want to over analyze it, but I simply wanted God to explain it to me. Then, sitting in the Boiler Room, during ministry time I was discussing this word with a friend telling her how it made me so unsettled. She raised her hand and asked if she could share her thoughts with me. See, I've been restless. Restless, in this season of wondering what's next after the Basic Leadership School and restless without having a four year plan for my life.

Let's not make prisons out of our minds trying to figure it all out for ourselves. Take a deep breath, set both feet in the water and if you want to even jump in all the way like I did, last Friday at the swimming pool, then do it. Dive all in, get wet, get soaked where you are right now in life. The security of a four year plan, does not secure the reply of, "Yes! Now, I've finally got it all figured out!" I want to be aware of my future and yes have vision, but at the same time, I don't want that to cloud my mind from where I'm at right now. This wrestling with God and not knowing how to receive this word from my friend, has turned into me tuning into God's voice of going on adventures with Him. Adventures that call me to be all in right where I am. My prison, has turned into an adventure of narrow roads that have always proven God as faithful in His provision for my life. Ask Him to take you on an adventure, He will. Not only will He, but He wants too. He wants both of your feet in the water, He asks you to jump in with Him all the way, if we so dare to trust Him on the narrow roads we are granted a secure future of His faithful provision. 

Better Living

So, last weekend, I am at Better Living Through Coffee, I've ordered my usual sea salt carmel late and the guy making it says to me, "Amelia right? Open mic in the Boiler Room?" And I was just too stunned to speak! I didn't even remember seeing him, while I had been up there singing. He was dressed in all black, black hair everything, anywho, he turns to me after what he's just said and adds, "Beautiful voice!" And then hands me my late, that is shaped into a heart. I'm just so stunned that he knew my name and remembered my voice! All I had strength to say, was asking him if he'd played at open mic before and he explained that he'd used too, now he didn't have enough time, since working at Better Living Through Coffee. I was still so stunned to speak, that all I could reply was, "Well, you should just keep doing whatever you were doing before!" I wish I would've said more, but I was just still so shocked that he remembered my name and called my voice out as beautiful. It rocked me to my core, as God continues to break my heart into a million pieces, so I can be made whole with His heart becoming one with mine. I totally regretted getting that coffee and having to rush sipping on it, as I wanted to catch up with the others, but you know, I think God wanted to bless me and make me understand His heart with mine. God is stretching me, growing me, replacing my heart with His and His desires to become one with mine. He know's what He's up to. 

In Awe

Its been on my mind lately, the concept of aweness at God. How we were created to not fully understand Him, but to kneel down on our knees in awe at Him and how He chooses to bless us! The past two Sundays, I've been going to this classy, relationship oriented Lutheran church, in Washington, instead of the one I'd been going to during my DTS last fall. I can't fully explain the feeling of stepping into this small, welcoming congregation, other than the truth that I really miss trembling before the Lord. I've missed the simple things, like lighting candles in the sanctuary and people getting dressed up for church. Not to say, we don't do any of that at the church I used to go to, or the one I attend back home. I just have this longing in my heart to embrace the mystery of God! So, with the decision to attend this Lutheran church in Washington, I so look forward to the lighting of candles, looking my best for the One who deserves my best and a longing being fulfilled that, I don't have to even try to understand God, because all He wants is to know me! He pursues us relentlessly, I am so grateful that I don't have to be perfect before Him, but I still want to give Him my best! In what ways is He challenging you to look for Him?

Blue Shadow

I am like a blue shadow
I will slowly fade away like everything else on this earth
But my friends there is so much life to be lived!
Let us not waste it
Hear the urges of your friends
Laugh while you can and cry when its needed
Meanwhile, my friends those loyal to my side
Stand with me now please?
Hold my hand and let us cry out to our God against the plagues of darkness that war against our souls
Its joy in the letting go
Purpose in the hands of our Maker
Giving thanks in all circumstances
Letting others see the real you, is perhaps the best battle to be fought
For it is in letting others in that true completion of identity is unmasked
The veil torn and loud shouts of joy lifted from the ones with sore hurts
So, though time might not heal all wounds there is weight lifted when we open our hands and with the reassurance that He is always there, let us let Him open the door to our hearts
It is there in the opening up to our true love that between the tears, joy and giving it all up for His name that the veil is lifted,
Give it up my friends, give it all up and get all in to the One who deserves our love the most. 
Amen.

Laid Down Lovers

It cracks me up everything about this place, from the obnoxious music playing in the back round, to how afraid I used to be to come in here and initiate conversation with people. One of my favorite songs that played at the DTS conference, I was at this past week had the lyrics, "We are Laid Down Lovers." I love that phrase and especially try to make it my prayer as I begin this next phase of my life at a leadership school and within the community of Port Townsend. 

This place is called the Boiler Room, and I've written about it before, a coffee shop that has become a safe haven to the homeless and troubled youth in this town. This is a weird place, not many are fond of, but its special in my heart, because this coffee shop is the first place I shared my testimony to someone I'd never met before. We are laid down lovers, my friends, and that is my focus as I begin this school, to not make excuses or let complaining and pride have its way on my tongue, but to lay my life down to love those who God has put in front of me. As I was taught at the conference this past week it is important, we let God have the priority in our hearts of our yes' and no's. It is both my prayer and challenge, that as I walk into coffee shops, sit and play my instrument and converse with those outside of my comfort zone, that a yes would always be on my lips for whatever God has put on my tongue to say to those whom I'm called to love. 

(Art drawn from the Boiler Room). 

New Beginnings

Its amazing, when you know that you are in the right place at the right time. That's exactly how I feel as I begin this school year, starting my Basic Leadership School with YWAM (Youth With a Mission). Honestly, ever since I stepped foot back onto the Discovery Bay campus, I was overwhelmed with peace. The double blessing, is the fact that I've felt so much peace being here that I feel as though there is nothing I cannot do, or am not capable of! 5 immense blessings that I am especially grateful for upon my arrival are 1) Waking up in the mornings and enjoying it with old friends, while making new ones 2) The smell of the sea 3) How surprisingly warm the weather has been! 4) Meal times getting to meet new people who come to visit the base and are interested in doing a DTS (Discipleship Training School) 5) The confidence that I am constantly growing while I am here, both in who I am and at the same time learning new life skills. 

*God has put a few prayer requests on my heart that I'd ask you to lift up to Him.

-Tomorrow we leave for Redding California, for a DTS conference for us leaders. Please pray for safe travels and open hearts and minds to hear what God has to speak to us as leaders.

-More bedroom space for the boy staff.

-Deeper revelation on God's will and plan for my life. 

*Maybe God has put it on your heart to support me, financially, although most importantly I ask for the gift of prayer! If He has, you can message me on facebook or email me at pixiedust.milly@gmail.com for more information on how to support me, or if you are interested in doing a DTS with YWAM, it would be my pleasure to share my experience with you! 

The Wanderer

"And what I wanted to do was go on and on, across the sea, alone with the water and the birds, but some said I was too young and the sea was a dangerous temptress........ 

The sea, the sea, the sea, it rolled and rolled and called to me. Come in, it said, come in. And in I went, floating, rolling, splashing and swimming, and the sea called, Come out, come out, and further I went but always it swept me back to shore. And still the sea called, Come out, come out, and in boats I went - in rowboats and dinghies and motorboats, and after I learned to sail, I flew over the water, with only the sounds of the wind and the water and the birds, all of them calling, Sail on, sail on."
-The Wanderer, Sharon Creech 

I'm trying not to force my words or add unnecessary explanations. This post is simply about my need to wander. Like the name of the boat in my favorite book, I also long to sail and be free although some may say its dangerous and I'm too young, still I will go. Still I will sail, I will fly in whatever way I can to wander, but not just to wander to learn how to spread my wings. This is what I must do in a little over a week. So, here we go. Its a new school year already, and where we let ourselves spread our wings to freely wander in the midst of the daily schedules with tasks to complete and deadlines to meet. I'm giving myself permission to wander this year as I pray you do too! Here's to wandering, spreading our wings and sailing in whatever way we can even if the water's frozen.